Mother Finds Healing Her Son Wounded In Operation Iraqi Freedom Requires The Power of Love A Single Mom, Sema Olson Has Lost Her Job, Home, And Car. Though A Muslim, She Proclaims, “I Am An American, First.” By Perry Hicks- Special to GulfCoastNews.com The media has made much about the 1600 plus U.S. service members killed fighting in Iraq. What is rarely said is that upward of 90% of combat casualties actually survive their wounds. This stunning success is partly due to the protective body armor our troops wear, but also the rapid evacuations to combat support hospitals, and the superb medicine practiced at U.S. military facilities such as Walter Reed Army Medical Center, Bethesda Naval Hospital, and Landstuhl Regional Medical Center in Germany. Once the wounded have reached Walter Reed Army Medical Center in Washington, D.C., the warrior’s care will fall into the hands of specialized teams of doctors, therapists, and to many people’s surprise, quite possibly their own mother. One of these “Walter Reed
Moms” is 45-year-old Sema While having to see Bobby struggle back has been very difficult for Sema, she does see the importance of his sacrifice because she knows the fear of terrorism first hand. Her native Turkey has long been a battleground for what some would say is “the soul of Islam.” A Faith In Conflict Sema is also familiar with the stifling cultural oppression that dictates that a Muslim woman is little more than chattel property. In Turkey, it can be dangerous for a woman to demand even the most basic of human rights. This reality seems to have been lost on many westerners who argue against bringing freedom and democracy to the Middle East. For example, just days before her son was wounded, Sema attended a lecture at the University of Puget Sound titled, “Woman and Islam,” presented by University of Kentucky professor, Riffat Hassan. The guest speaker was Yvonne Ridley, a British journalist who had been captured by the Taliban and held for 10 days before being released. Once back in the United Kingdom, Ridley converted to Islam. In the process, she has also adopted much of the hard-line anti-western, pro-Islamic rhetoric of those who would take the world back to the 12th century. As if a signal to the audience, Ridley delivered her presentation covered head to toe in black orthodox Muslim attire; she was quite critical in asserting that the West does not understand Islam. So when the question and answer session began, Sema spoke up to address Ridley with a few critical assertions of her own. Sema related to GCN her response this way: “I told Ms. Ridley, I agree with you that the West misunderstands Islam, but having grown up in a Muslim country, it appears that Islam is misunderstood by the Muslims themselves. If it weren’t so, the women would not be treated the way they are in those Muslim countries. I appreciate the fact that you are able to practice the beautiful Muslim religion in a country like England where you are treated as an equal. However, having grown up in a Muslim country, and having crimes committed against me, I cannot put any weight in what you are defending.” Sema’s remarks elicited hissing and condemnation from some of those in the audience. Afterwards, a group of berka attired women chided her for “not being an obedient Muslim.” Speaking very softly, Sema explained her view to GCN, “These jihadists do not work for God. Islam is a beautiful religion. There is nothing in the Koran about Berkas, or subjugating women the way they do.” Professor Hassan has long asserted that Islam had been hijacked by Muslim extremists. She also has explained how modernization has been inappropriately confused with opposition to the decadence transmitted by globalization. It should be noted here that an estimated 4000 Muslims are currently in the U.S. Armed Forces. They receive little recognition, much less thanks, for their service under what are arguably very special circumstances. Coming To America It is against this backdrop of oppression that Sema came to the United States in 1983. Her Air Force husband of 6 years had taken up with another woman and was agitating for a divorce. Because a Turkish court would likely have taken her two boys from her, and realizing her children were automatically U.S. citizens, Sema brought the boys to the U.S. where they could expect to receive equal justice. Sema came without marketable skills, without knowing how to drive a car, and without being able to speak English. The first 5 years she describes as “being an absolute hell.” She had to become skilled in all of these things while adapting to what for her was an alien culture. They arrived in January and having little money, they spent the next 4 months living in a tiny camping trailer in Washington state. Still, Sema and her children were able to remain together as a family. She worked at night as a waitress in a restaurant bar while she attended school during the day. Sleep came whenever she could catch it. As might be expected, her finances remained critically tight. One of the bar’s regular customers was a Vietnam veteran. When his old wounds deteriorated to the point he was confined to a bed, Sema volunteered to take on still one more duty; caring for a crippled veteran until she finished her training as a paralegal. A few months after Sema graduated, and was able to move her boys into a home of their own, the man committed suicide; something that causes her great emotional pain even after 17 years. In relating this story, her eyes well up with tears and her words come haltingly. At the end, she is utterly speechless. A Seminal Moment Immigration commonly fosters alienation so many newcomers to America come to feel as if there is nowhere they truly belong. Assimilation takes time. “There was no sense of belonging here (in the U.S.,)” Sema explained. “Yet, I didn’t feel at home in Turkey.” Though by then a citizen, Sema had not resolved her feelings by the morning of September 11th, 2001. She and the boys had been in the United States for almost 19 years. “I could not believe what I was seeing on TV,” remarked Sema. “Even when the first plane hit the (north) tower, I immediately knew this was a terrorist attack. I had a sense of fear sweep over me that I hadn’t felt since I had lived in Turkey. It was as if this evil were following me.” Shortly thereafter, Sema
went to visit her mother in Turkey. Naturally, the subject of George W.
Bush and the war on terror came up in conversation and Sema found herself
having to defend America. After the first Gulf War, Kurds had poured across the Iraqi frontier into Turkey seeking asylum from Saddam Hussein. As Sema encountered them and heard the horror stories they had to tell, she had to ask herself, “What is our responsibility as the fortunate ones living with democracy and freedom to the rest of the world that is suffering? I really didn’t care whether Iraq had weapons of mass destruction or not. The suffering had to end and if we Americans could do that, then we should.” To Sema’s surprise, her mother made the pronouncement that she “admired” Saddam. Admire a man who so brutalized his people? Starved and gassed them? Mutilated them or simply gunned them down far out in the Iraqi desert?
“How could you possibly say that?” asked Sema. Her mother replied tersely, “I admire him because he has stood up to America.” It was precisely at
that moment that Sema realized that “I was truly American.” Walter Reed Army Medical Center In 2003, her youngest
son, Bobby, enlisted in the U.S. Army. He arrived in Iraq on October 9th,
2004 and was fortunate to witness the very first democratic election held
in that country. Bobby was severely wounded on March 12th and
was moved to a combat support hospital and stabilized so that by March 14th
he was in Germany and in Washington D.C. the very next day. Bobby
remained on life-support for 5 days after arriving at Walter Reed. He was
unconscious the first 3 days but opened his eyes on day 4. “When he opened his eyes they were blank; they didn’t even follow me as I moved about tending to him; wiping his eyes, they were always running; feeding him; keeping his lips moist with ice chips. It almost killed me when he looked at me with those blank eyes. I thought he might have been brain-dead,” Sema told GCN. When she continued, emotion filled her voice, “Even as he lay asleep I kept telling him that I was here and he was safe and that I loved him. I was ecstatic when he was finally able to move just one finger,” Sema told GCN. To call them merely “wounds” diminishes the ghastly nature of combat injuries: Limbs crushed and broken beyond surgical repair- providing they haven’t been blown off altogether. If not blinded, these battle survivors may have a temporary hyper-sensitivity to light, and they may also suffer temporary or even permanent deafness. There can also be burns, and/or serious head injuries. And of course, there are the attendant infections. If any one of these veterans can remember how “it” happened, their collective stories sound all too much the same: It could have been either night or day; there was a flash-bang, yelling, screaming in pain, being dragged- or dragging oneself- out of a smoldering Humvee, Bradley, or Stryker before the enemy could finish blowing it to smithereens; the desperation as other squad members regrouped to mount a defense against enemy fighters who were just as desperately trying to finish them off; traumatic shock and ruptured eardrums may have left them in a surreal silence as they watched two or three medics frantically work to save their lives; other combat teams rallying to protect him with counter-suppression fire; and blood, they always say “there was so much blood.” Often these battle veterans awaken thinking they are still back in Iraq. Nightmarish dreams leave them in a sweat as they relive that day over and over again. They may sit up and pull IVs out of their arms as they try to leave their bed. For the third time Sema became emotional as her narrative told how her son suffered during the hours after his first surgery. Tearfully she told me how he pleaded with her to take the pain away. Bobby was already heavily sedated so all she could do was stay up with him through the night, hold his hand, and try to comfort him with her words. Later, around 4 AM, “He started to beg me help him die. My knees just gave in and tears just flooded onto my cheeks. I just couldn’t handle that….. that broke my heart and shook me to my core,” explained Sema. Even now it is a sobering experience to see these wounded warriors lying in bed with their eyes glazed by powerful drugs and knowing that even this dosage level is grossly inadequate. Interminable Waiting Once Bobby’s condition had been stabilized, surgeons began to repair his broken body. For a time, this meant up to 3 surgeries per week installing or removing rods, installing plates, cleansing, and closing wounds. Bobby may have been taken to pre-op as early as 5:30 in the morning or 8:00 AM if he were the “second case.” Bobby would not return to his room until post-op could see his heart-rate had stabilized. Often, this would mean evening. For the first 5 weeks, Sema had to be in constant attendance to Bobby. Since he was running a continuous fever, he struggled to maintain hydration; his mouth was always parched so Sema had to give him water every few minutes and applied cold compresses to make him feel more comfortable. Because he could not grasp things much less lift his arms, she also fed him and assisted him with his personal hygiene. Sema only had time in her hotel room to bathe herself and change clothes. Sleep came only when Bobby was away undergoing one of his many surgeries. Even now, when Bobby is able to do much more for himself, Sema feels guilty about leaving him. She has subordinated all of her own personal needs to that of her son. For the single moms this waiting time may be spent trying to catch some blessed sleep, or even reading. However, it may also be spent on the phone or writing letters trying to delay the inevitable eviction, repossession, and financial ruin. The volunteer assistance organization, Operation First Response (OFR,) provides support not only to wounded troops at Walter Reed, Bethesda Naval, Landstuhl Regional Medical Center in Germany, and combat support hospitals in Iraq, but also to the families tending to their loved one. Peggy Baker, president and founder of OFR, put it in perspective for GCN saying, “The last thing these wounded guys (or gals) need is to watch their families come apart while they lay there in bed.” Besides OFR, Walter Reed Army Medical Center Family Assistance, the USO, Red Cross, and numerous other volunteer agencies also offer support providing that funds are available. (See side bar.) Sema praises these organizations and the Army for doing what it can to house her and provide her with some quality of life; she is particularly appreciative of Peggy Baker of OFR, Michael Wagner of Walter Reed’s Family Assistance, Karen Theobald of Helping Our Heroes Foundation, the organization, USA Cares and the Red Cross. The Army houses Sema in a small (264 room) Hilton in nearby Silver Spring, Maryland. So that she can travel back to Walter Reed every day, Peter Anderson, General Manager of Mologne House, arranged for a rental car donated by Yellow Ribbon Fund. Still, there is food for her to buy and gas and parking for her to pay. With no job, meeting such expenses can be dicey. It should be noted that Sema has not waited for Bobby to recover before she has begun to “give back.” She is currently a Red Cross volunteer. Circling Predators Like stalking hyenas watching and waiting for the opportunity to cull a weak gazelle from a herd, there are those who would take advantage of a vulnerable mom. Sometimes the offender is painfully close to home. Sema reports that an ex-husband of one of the other mom’s started up a website seeking donations for his wounded son. Of course, neither son nor his attendant mother is reported to have seen a single dime. Bobby’s own father wasted no time in contacting a hometown newspaper to talk about his great personal challenge in having a son wounded in Iraq. He has also written Bobby’s commander and has even gone so far as to write President George W. Bush. Sema wasn’t mentioned even once. But what was most hurtful to Sema and Bobby was the letter his biological father had sent Bobby claiming that his mother had “deprived me of loving you.” Considering what caused her to flee to America and the struggle she had to care for her boys, this claim cut through her like a knife. “No one can deprive you of loving,” Sema remarked with a combination of hurt and anger. At the same time, her words carried considerable poignancy. Just how could one actually deprive another of what love is; the feeling of unselfish devotion, affection and tenderness? “My son's biological father did not have any contact with my sons for 20 years. No child support, no phone call, or visit,” she said. Sema does not want to speak of the details, but predators are not limited to ex-husbands. There are those who have even more sinister intentions. When The Crisis Is Over If his progress continues, Bobby may be able to transfer over to Walter Reed’s Mologne House just in time for Independence Day. There, he will continue various therapies and perhaps more minor medical interventions until he can totally take care of himself. Sema could move out of her hotel and into Mologne House so that she can continue to care for Bobby. However, her hope is that Bobby can take advantage of a new program and move into a hotel room next to hers. When Bobby is ready and able to live on his own, he will then be transferred again to Summit Hill Apartments located off of medical center grounds. At that point, Sema’s presence will no longer be needed. That is when Sema will have to resume her own life. However, unlike the veteran who has an entire Federal agency (VA) dedicated to their reintroduction into mainstream society, Sema will have virtually nothing. She will have to somehow re-enter the work force, find her own place to live, and struggle to regain everything she had worked for over 22 years. There is a considerable anti-climatic aspect to Sema’s return to her own life. Having subordinated her personal needs for so long, it will be difficult to redirect her energies solely to herself. Then there is also the distinct possibility that Sema, as any of the other mothers, could experience post traumatic stress disorder. This begs the question then, just who will be there for the moms? The Power Of Love It would be all too easy for the parent of one of these service members to become embittered. Some do. However, Sema places it all in a spiritual perspective that helps keep her mind at ease and allowing her to eschew the medication some moms accept to steady their nerves. Sema explains her perspective this way: “Since I’ve been here, I have met some wonderful people who extend their helping hands and hearts. I have made some great friends and met people who are challenging but I always try to see the message they bring. God puts people on our path for a reason. “I spend many hours at the chapel on the 3rd floor of Walter Reed, which has been my sanctuary for the last 2 months. I try to find some solace in my and my son’s predicament. The only power I have is prayer. I ask God for compassion, patience, wisdom and guidance to deal with the challenges that we are facing. I trust He is guiding us both. There is a reason (God’s reason) for all of this. “I have no animosity towards the people who did this to my son. I am very proud that my son doesn’t, either. He believes and trusts God’s plan. “I feel blessed that my son’s mind and heart is with me. Our lives have changed drastically: As his world has shrunk into that hospital room, my world has shrunk into a hotel room. Even though I miss having a home with a window that opens, the simple pleasures of cooking and gardening… my old friends… the Northwest rain (yes, I can’t believe I miss the rain), I am fortunate to have a roof over my head. I am thankful that the Army provides me with food and lodging because I am a part of the team that is working feverishly to heal our heroes. “During my life’s travels, volunteerism, and the jobs I held, I have met people from all walks of life. I have listened to people’s stories and what I have found is that no matter what color you are, what culture you come from, everybody’s story is the same. We are all suffering because this world is lacking love, compassion, tolerance and acceptance. Until the people of the world realize that, we will continue to have unfairness, crime, corruption, and wars.” More Information: About the Author.....
Contact the Author: arielsquarefour@hotmail.com
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GCN
Exclusive Special Feature
Olson, a naturalized citizen originally from Eskisehir, Turkey. Her son,
Bobby, was severely wounded when his Stryker light armored vehicle drove
over an improvised explosive device, or IED. While tending to the
emotional and physical needs of her son, Sema has lost her job, her home,
and her car. She lives at the generosity of U.S. Army invitational orders
and the supporting humanitarian organizations working with Walter Reed.
Perry Hicks